Amanda Hocking

Australia 2.0

April 13th, 2012 by
This post currently has 32 comments

My gosh I love Australia. I probably love it more than any other place I’ve never been. In my mind, it is a magical land with insanely gorgeous reefs, unnaturally attractive people, and the most bizarre, awesome animals.

Did you know that the platypus is venomous? And something like 8 out of 10 of the world’s most deadly spiders or ants or snakes live in Australia? (I watched a show on Animal Planet once where I learned this fact, and it was something that was poisonous, but I can’t remember what anymore). If I recall correctly, there are a lot of poisonous animals in Australia though. And I think that’s awesome.

I think that’s what did it. Everything in Australia is clearly trying to kill everyone there. So it’s some kind natural selection where only the truly awesome people can survive it. It’s like a pressure cooker of amazingness.

Name one person from Australia that isn’t awesome. Do it. I dare you. You can’t. (Okay, there is that serial guy that I just watched a movie about, and some other douches I’m sure. No country is perfect. But I’m saying their “awesome” to “not awesome” ratio is staggering.)

That’s why Australians always marry Australians. Even when they move to the United States (i.e. Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman). Americans can’t live up to their awesomeness. It’s a well known fact that’s why Nicole Kidman’s and Tom Cruise’s marriage didn’t work. People blame it on the Scientology, but it’s really the Australian thing.

And in Australia, Daniel Johns is like a real celebrity, right? Not like here, where I go, “Hey, Daniel Johns is the neatest. Have you guys listened to Young Modern?” And then people have no idea what I’m talking about, and I get sad and go in my room to cuddle Young Modern and Diorama

(Related note – any word on his solo album? I’m stalking the internet for information, but last I’d heard he was working on. But that’s it).

I’m following this guy on instagram now, and he’s been taking all these stunning pictures of the Australian coast. I believe he’s in Perth, but don’t quote me on this. Anyway, it’s insanely gorgeous. I look at his pictures every day, salivating over the magical splendor of it.

Plus, if that wasn’t enough, the good folks in Australia have been doing a bananas job of promoting my books, and Australian readers have been incredibly welcoming. I really do need to thank all the people working in Australia to get my books out there, especially Dolly mag that was literally getting hundreds and hundreds of copies of Switched out there.

But there’s really just icing on the cake. Even if you guys all hated my book, I would still love you.

I’ve blogged of my Australia love in the past, and apparently it was around this time last year. There must be something in the air that gets me in an Australia frenzy.

I saw Cabin in the Woods tonight (fairly awesome, made me laugh, had a couple jumps, and it had the single greatest scene with a unicorn I’ve ever seen). The film starred Chris Hemsworh. Yeah, I know he was in Thor, but somehow that long hair threw me off and made me not realize he was attractive.

(I think it was cause it reminded me of that one guy I don’t like. But I don’t know know who that one guy is right now. I want to say Sean Bean, but I like Sean Bean, and he usually doesn’t have long hair. So basically I have no idea what I’m talking about.)

So then I found out that Chris Hemsworth was from Australia, and I was like, “Duh. Everybody is awesome from Australia.” Hence, this blog.

I should probably stop being a freak and go back to writing. In fact, I will do that now. But I just wanted to to say, “Hey, Australia, how you doin’?” and follow it up with a Joey Tribbiani smile.

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  • Why would she be scared of Drop Bears… I’d be more scared of her imagination…

  • Do it! Do it! Of course, Perth is on the other side of Australia to Brisbane, Melbourne, Sydney, but then you get to see the sun on both sides of the country. 🙂

  • Oooooh, I only just saw this and I agree with what someone else said, you should treat yourself to a trip to Australia, your fans would love to meet you! Perth is gorgeous, I wouldn’t live anywhere else in the world despite the fact that very few bands come here! 😛

    P.S. If you do visit Australia, watch out for the Drop Bears! 😉

  • Beautiful Amanda, if you’d like to visit Down Under, please consider being our keynote speaker at our Australian regional WriteFest event 18th May, 2013 at Bundaberg. We’re a one-day writers festival and our committee’s previously dreamed about hosting you, but we lack the dollars to pay for an overseas air ticket. We can, however, pay you ASA speaker rates, air fares within Australia and put you up at a beautiful beachside apartment when you visit. Please consider it. You are a fabulous writer and a truly beautiful person with an inspiring story to share. Editors and authors from Sydney and Melbourne rave about our down-to-earth, truly Australian beachside/”bush” experience. If you visit Oz, add us to your must-do list! More at http://www.bundywriters.com

  • Nikitarose says:

    Hahaha man you are hilarious! I’m an Aussie travelling abroad and I think you might be right about the Aussies marry Aussies in general rule. I’ve met many a nice accents while travelling but I do miss us Aussies-awesomeness. I read and loved your book before starting my travels and hope to read more of your stuff when I return home. Come Visit Australia! I don’t know why this Jade wants so badly to leave Australia but I had considered before I started travelling that I might like living somewhere else, but since being abroad I can honestly say that I like to visit other countries but I want to live nowhere else but Australia.

  • Nadine says:

    Hi Amanda,

    I read switched a few months ago and loved it. I live in Perth Western Australi, you should treat yourself to a trip downunder, your fans would love to meet you.

    Cheers
    Nadine

  • mel says:

    Why isn’t ‘My Blood Approves’ (book 1) available in Australia? The Kindle site says the title isn’t available here =(

  • mel says:

    Why isn’t ‘My Blood Approves’ (book 1) available in Australia? The Kindle site says the title isn’t available here =(

  • A. Finlay says:

    There are deadly creatures here, but they aren’t as common as you would think. We just make it out to be that way so it scares all the idiots off and all the hardcore cool people come to visit.

    The fact that most Americans think Australia is in the U.K. helps us stay off the map a little I suppose. But really we’re just trying to keep it to ourselves like some dirty little secret.

    Daniel Johns IS a super star!!

    Finally if you love Australia so much then you should come here. There’s no excuse not to really. Just make sure you keep telling people that we ride kangaroos to school, don’t wear shoes, and our spiders eat our snakes…. oh actually that IS true… have a look…

    http://www.cairns.com.au/article/2012/04/19/215081_local-news.html

  • Jade says:

    I’d do almost anything to get away from Australia. Swap places?